I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
