She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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