Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
