DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
