I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
