Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
