True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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