You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
