OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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