Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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