it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
