Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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