so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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