you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
