haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
