This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
