I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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