awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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