in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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