She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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