Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
