went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
