He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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