hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
