i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
