i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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