i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
