I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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