is your mom at the bar?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
