So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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