get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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