you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
