i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hippo gnu deer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
