Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need a beard to bite.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
