i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
