i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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