just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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