dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just had sex on a roof
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
