He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
