I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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