I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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