just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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