You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
