And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
