U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
