I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
