with your own penis?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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