Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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