im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
