Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
