too bad you live with your parents still
she looked like the before picture.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
