I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You smell like stripper and shame
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
