You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize