he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
