my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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