I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize