so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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