I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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