Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
