My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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