I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
