I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
