So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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