On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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