my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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