you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
