I think im going to throw up on grandma
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
