just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
