all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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