Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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