Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
