Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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